I Dance Because I Am A Dancer

"The dance is a poem of which each movement is a word." I guess I owe anyone who actually listens to my words an update on the whole quitting dance post that I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. First of all, I mentioned that I bottle things up, and then they explode in random outbursts. That is exactly what happened. I was under so much pressure that I couldn't take it. My life was near a breaking point, and it just came out when I hit the final straw. If you've ever met me, I don't look like your typical dancer. But then again, nothing is typical about me. I fit so many stereo types that you'd have a million assumptions about me, until you spent ten minutes with me. But anyway, I dance because it is who I am. Stereo type me all you want, but I am a good dancer, and I couldn't imagine a day of my life without dancing. It is what I do. Some people play sports, others act, some sing, but I dance. And I'd like to think I am a fairly good painter, and an aspiring writer, but I guess I'll just stick with dancing first. I know I am good at that. And in the other entry, I mentioned that just being on stage gave me satisfaction. Well, that was an understatement...Nothing in world gives that same feeling that I feel when I am on that stage, performing a piece of poetry in motion. It is what keeps me going everyday. I know that there are always people out there judging me, but at that point in time, I could care less. I graze across that stage with confidence and fun. It's what I love to do and hope to do for a long time. And everytime I dance, I grow right before anyone's very eyes. Why would I want to end all this?

Falling Slowly

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was, and it wasn't meant to be." I guess the main point of this entry is just to let some bottled things out. The whole idea of my blog is to let things out when I need to, because I have habit of holding things in until I explode. So, I will not explode anytime soon. Sorry to anyone who may be disappointed. ;) Basically what's on my mind is the fact that I feel the absence of someone all around me. I don't really feel heart broken or anything, it's just that I feel like my life slowed down a little bit. It just seems like everything is in slow motion, and I'm basically watching my life halt. The homework load is still sufficiently keeping me busy and I feel like I'm crazy, but I don't mind it. And my family is still up and down and everywhere in the middle. My friendships are progressing and moving forward. I guess I'm letting this take a bigger toll on me than I planned it would. Maybe I am just crazy, but who knows. But on a plus side, my grades are soaring to an all time high and that feels great. Maybe this loss is just something that is distracting my thoughts when they aren't focussed on work. I guess only time will tell.

It's Over...?

"Sometimes its lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead..." Well I started this entry last week and had no idea how to use it, but now is the time. In a couple of entries, I have mentioned a special someone in my life. And that person was a big part of my life for almost five months...but recently it went sour. And I'd be lying to say it didn't hurt at all, but I'd also be lying if I said that it hurt worse than anything i've ever felt. It feels more like the loss of a friend, rather than a significant other, and I don't know why. I mean, I guess I do know why...being in love solely with someone's personality is amazing, but cannot be the basis of a relationship. And seeing the person would be great as well, but it was fun while it lasted. Also, I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, but that doesn't mean I understand it, but I can learn from it. I guess I just don't understand what exactly happened between us because it happened so fast and was so confusing. But it's time for me to move on. It was my first sort of serious relationship, if you think of it that way. My friends think I can do better. But to be honest...I don't see that happening anyday soon. 

In Between

            I wrote this about a year ago, but it still has a big place in my heart. It's actually an excerpt from a 15 chapter story I've been on and off over the summers. Let me know your thoughts/ comments please!


          The Sunshine Room was a room that was specially designed and named after me! Mommy said that I would always be the sunshine of her life, and so she gave me a room to remind me. The room was painted burnt-lemon and had not a single bit of wall space that was unoccupied. Exquisite window paneling filled all but the corners of the room. Hello, SUNSHINE Room. On one wall, a small painting barely hung on by a thread. The painting was my first drawing of my family. I was two years old. Mommy said it was her greatest treasure besides Daddy and me.

          I turned to the bookshelf and looked for Sleeping Beauty, my favoritest story in the whole wide world. I reached my porcelain hand out and grabbed it. Yanking it only halfway, the bookshelf slid out and a dark room was unveiled. It was my secret room.

          My secret room was one of my favorite rooms in the entire house. I found it one day when Mommy told me she’d read me Sleeping Beauty. I got the book and right before our eyes, the bookshelf moved. How neat! Since then, it was Mommy and my secret place.

          I climbed into the small room and groped for my little lamp. Turning on the bright florescent, I situated myself on my pillow. Wanting to close the door, I reached for the button but then turned away. Mommy told me to never close that door, so I pulled away.

          I drew out my secret coloring book and a fresh crayon and started to unconsciously color the mermaid that lay in front of me. My eyes followed the crayon through every black line that it passed by, when something smelled icky. It almost smelled burnt.

          Turning my head to look out the passageway, all I saw was fog. A strong aroma filled up my senses. The smell churned my senses around and I tried to hold on to my thoughts as I struggled, swaying in and out of consciousness.