What Could They Possibly Mean?

Dream's are today's answers to tomorrow's questions. Well this entry was started a few weeks ago, but Christmas sort of interupted it. For any of you who don't know, I have a typical story. My neighbor and I were childhood friends and at that point, he was everything to me. I mean, I've known him since I was two. I couldn't imagine a day without him. I guess you could say he was my rock. And in sixth grade we hit a bump. I don't know what it was but we just never hung out again. And everyday I missed him in my life, because he was really important to me. Then, he went on the become this popular jock who has the cheerleader girlfriend. He's a football player, lacrosse player, and a straight A student. I guess you could say he has it all. And I turned into a nerd I guess you could say. I'm the kind of person who likes to sit in the back and likes to creep into my fantasy world (I like to write fanatsy). It's who I am. I'm a dancer, a big dorkus, and a good student. I like to have a close knit group of friends I know I can rely on, instead of a bunch of people that I don't know if they'd turn on me. So, we've grown in seperate paths. But lately, I've been having strange dreams. Again, my dreams are never of lollipops or pop stars. They usually mean something. The past few weeks, I've been having dreams about him dying. It always ends the same, either he dies in my arms, or I die in his. This also ends in the three words I fear the most in life...I LOVE YOU...and either one of us says it in these dreams. Maybe it means that it will be too late when I realize how I truly feel about him. Or maybe it means that he's always been there for me, and I'm just too naive to notice it. Or maybe it's nothing. I don't know. I do realize that I love him, and I know I'll never be brave enough to rekindle the friendship, but maybe one day I'll find the courage to face all my fears. When that day comes, he will be my first order of business. I love him in a friendship way, and I always will. Out of all the mistakes I've made in my life, and I've had my fill of mistakes, he is my biggest regret. If I had the chance to go back, I'd never of let him go.

Christmas Scavenger

*Basically I wrote this a few months ago. I hope people think it's good.*           

            The halls were barren, void of people, and void of sound. The scent of pine wafted through the air, arousing my senses, and making memories of Christmas past appear one by one.

All the lockers stood tall, some adorned with red and green ribbon, and others decorated with candy cane art, a school-wide tradition. The floors were coated in a fresh layer of wax, and the walls were freshly scrubbed.

            I stood in the middle of the empty halls, stopped at a single red rose petal atop a small yellow index card. Hesitating to pick it up, I reached my fingers out and grasped the paper tightly. I looked around, wondering who could have put this note down. Refocusing, I read the note in my head...

            "Go to room 179. Do not stop for any reason. Once inside, find what's missing."

As the wonder inside of me flurried around, there was an inkling of curiosity stirring as well. Why would the janitorial staff leave behind one rose and note card? They had to be behind this, right? And who was this meant for? Was I the first to come upon this?

Suddenly, a sound erupted from the direction of the science room. It was the Four Seasons by Vivaldi. A strange selection, but something I was raised listening to. Deciding to follow the direction left on the note card, I strode toward the music, taking my time. I hope for a small stir of music, but nothing came.

            175. 176. 177. 178. I stopped right in front of room 179, and swallowed the lump building in my throat. The door was closed, like all the others, yet the music still played. This must be a prank, I thought. Reluctantly, my palm stretched out and attached itself to the doorknob. With a single twist, the door flew open, and the music screeched to a halt.

            The room looked the same as always. "Find what's missing," the note had said. I quickly scanned the room until my eyes locked on a test tube rack. There was one missing. Most people wouldn’t have noticed, but I guess I notice things that others don’t bother to look at. I shuffled over to the supply closet where the extra tubes were stored at night. And as I suspected, there was another index card covered by two red rose petals.

            "Nice eye! Now room 206. Do not stop. Find the instrument that does not belong."

            Thinking for a second, a wave of fear washed over me. What if this was some kind of prank? What if I was heading right into a trap?

            I took a quick glance to my left, then right, and behind me. Nothing still. Oh who was I kidding? I was alone, and I was going to finish this.

            I arrived at room 206 two minutes later and figured out that in the percussion section there was a flute, along with a full long-stem red rose, and another note.

            “You made it to the final note card. To finish this journey, head to the school library, find the history section, and collect your prize.”

            I took the fastest route I could to the library and opened the double doors. The room inside was dark, but candles lined the walls and filled the desk. A pungent smell of roses approached me. And as I looked down, there was a small path of red rose petals that led to a section in the library. The history section of course. A smile spread to my face as I followed the path that lay ahead of me, avoiding stepping on the petals to keep them beautiful. Whoever this was, they did a great job.

            When I got to the history section, there was nothing there but a blue patterned blanket spread on the floor. And what else was there? A notecard sat atop an old book, a single white rose next to it. I pulled it off and read it aloud.

            “Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts beat as one.”

            Suddenly, two strong arms came from behind me and covered my eyes. I pivoted around to see Andrew laughing lightly and smiling.

            “Guess who, “ He spoke gently.

            “This was all you?” I questioned biting my lip.

            “Of course, and it’s all for you, beautiful.”

            Just then, he turned me around and slowly walked me back to the wall. Putting his arms directly above my shoulders, I was pinned there. That was when I noticed we were placed beneath a single bloom of mistletoe. 
            His right hand grazed my cheek, tucking a single strand of my blonde hair behind my ear. He smelled of lavender and mint, a smell I had grown familiar too. Getting closer, his lips reached out to mine until they met in harmony, as his arms slid to my middle back and pulled me close to him. The space between us was scarce, and I was perfectly fine with that.

            Breaking for a moment, he breathed, "Merry Christmas baby girl. I love you."

            In response, I took his left hand in mine and squeezed it tight. "I love you too." I released his hands and pulled myself even closer to his body, until the space between us had vanished. His lips met mine again, as we breathed as one. His right hand started to caress the small of my back, and I squirmed. Reflex.

            In this minute, I was completely happy. It was a feeling that nothing could match. In this moment, nothing could compare to the way I was feeling. This was complete happiness. This was true love.

           

Replace Fear of the Unknown with Curiosity

"Life is like photography. You use the negatives to develop." You may be wondering what the title of this entry and the quote have to do with each other, but they are more alike then you think. Recently, I have discovered a passion in photography. I mean, I've always thought a camera could have special powers because you can see things in an all new perspective, but I never really relized how much I enjoy being behind the camera. In order to really understand photography, you need to let your curiosity take command. There is no room for fear. I personally feel that when I'm behind a camera, I am scared of nothing. Maybe this is all "jumping the gun," but I truly feel I should explore this further and let my mind soak into the idea. Maybe I'll find my perfect future career, or maybe I'll just find a new hobby. Only time will tell. So, I added a couple of photos I have taken myself to my blog. Maybe they are good, definately not professional...but I hope they have potential to be great!

Besties Are We

*Lately, my best friend has been going through a rough patch of life. I know that she is aware that I am there for her, but I also want her to be able to smile knowing how much she means to me. I know life may seem like its crumbling right now, but I am always here to pick you up, dust you off, and make you new again. So this entry is for you girly. Love you with all my heart!*


You and I are friends,
We are sisters till the end,
And always I will know,
In you, I can depend.


Ever since we first met,
We've been by each other's side,
And when I need someone to trust,
In know that in you, I can confide.


When we aren't together,
We're missing pieces and parts,
But as we live our own lives,
We are never far from each other's heart.


I've always wanted a friend to love,
And suddenly I found you,
No matter what happens,
I'll remember what we've been through.


No matter what we say,
No matter what we do,
I'll always want you as a friend,
For as a sister I love you.


I know we'll always be best buds,
For we cannot be without the other,
We are like a puzzle piece,
Who will always need each other.


No distance is too far,
No world too wide,
For however long you go,
I'll always be by your side.


I hope we'll grow old as friends,

And never meet an end.

I Dance Because I Am A Dancer

"The dance is a poem of which each movement is a word." I guess I owe anyone who actually listens to my words an update on the whole quitting dance post that I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. First of all, I mentioned that I bottle things up, and then they explode in random outbursts. That is exactly what happened. I was under so much pressure that I couldn't take it. My life was near a breaking point, and it just came out when I hit the final straw. If you've ever met me, I don't look like your typical dancer. But then again, nothing is typical about me. I fit so many stereo types that you'd have a million assumptions about me, until you spent ten minutes with me. But anyway, I dance because it is who I am. Stereo type me all you want, but I am a good dancer, and I couldn't imagine a day of my life without dancing. It is what I do. Some people play sports, others act, some sing, but I dance. And I'd like to think I am a fairly good painter, and an aspiring writer, but I guess I'll just stick with dancing first. I know I am good at that. And in the other entry, I mentioned that just being on stage gave me satisfaction. Well, that was an understatement...Nothing in world gives that same feeling that I feel when I am on that stage, performing a piece of poetry in motion. It is what keeps me going everyday. I know that there are always people out there judging me, but at that point in time, I could care less. I graze across that stage with confidence and fun. It's what I love to do and hope to do for a long time. And everytime I dance, I grow right before anyone's very eyes. Why would I want to end all this?

Falling Slowly

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was, and it wasn't meant to be." I guess the main point of this entry is just to let some bottled things out. The whole idea of my blog is to let things out when I need to, because I have habit of holding things in until I explode. So, I will not explode anytime soon. Sorry to anyone who may be disappointed. ;) Basically what's on my mind is the fact that I feel the absence of someone all around me. I don't really feel heart broken or anything, it's just that I feel like my life slowed down a little bit. It just seems like everything is in slow motion, and I'm basically watching my life halt. The homework load is still sufficiently keeping me busy and I feel like I'm crazy, but I don't mind it. And my family is still up and down and everywhere in the middle. My friendships are progressing and moving forward. I guess I'm letting this take a bigger toll on me than I planned it would. Maybe I am just crazy, but who knows. But on a plus side, my grades are soaring to an all time high and that feels great. Maybe this loss is just something that is distracting my thoughts when they aren't focussed on work. I guess only time will tell.

It's Over...?

"Sometimes its lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead..." Well I started this entry last week and had no idea how to use it, but now is the time. In a couple of entries, I have mentioned a special someone in my life. And that person was a big part of my life for almost five months...but recently it went sour. And I'd be lying to say it didn't hurt at all, but I'd also be lying if I said that it hurt worse than anything i've ever felt. It feels more like the loss of a friend, rather than a significant other, and I don't know why. I mean, I guess I do know why...being in love solely with someone's personality is amazing, but cannot be the basis of a relationship. And seeing the person would be great as well, but it was fun while it lasted. Also, I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, but that doesn't mean I understand it, but I can learn from it. I guess I just don't understand what exactly happened between us because it happened so fast and was so confusing. But it's time for me to move on. It was my first sort of serious relationship, if you think of it that way. My friends think I can do better. But to be honest...I don't see that happening anyday soon.