Another Blow Strikes Hard

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; And for everything you gain, you lose something else." My life doesn't seem to know the meaning of happiness. Just last night I found out that my special person got out of the hospital for the second time this month. And I feel like that absolute worst person in the universe for not being able to be there for them. I wasn't there either times. I know it's the feeling of helplessness...but honestly I never knew that I could feel so bad. It's like getting punched over and over again until you're knocked out and gasping for air. Everytime I think about it...I feel my heart slowly cracking. I wish I didn't feel this way. I do care about this person...and that's the problem. I wish I didn't care, but the thing is...even if I didn't have feelings for this person...he's still a good friend and I would still be hit repeatedly by the blow of helplessness. It's something I cannot escape from. And it's tearing me apart. I just need to go back to dance and school and get my mind off things. I just wish I could talk to someone who understands....